In the pastoral world of the romantic poets, mood changes as such would usually be associated with a turn of the seasons. Spring, usually. The rebirth, the sunshine, bringing with it a sense of new life and a new beginning.
Even in this day and age, it seems my moods revolve with the seasons. However, for me personally my new lease of life always comes in the Autumn.
Perhaps the decay of the leaves and chill in the air could symbolise the death of the old. The need to fill my soul with a new warmth to keep me going through the winter months, like a squirrel storing metaphorical nuts for the winter. However my metaphorical nuts are a few heartwarming nights with the nuts I call friends.
This Autumn I feel different. Refreshed almost? The summer, ironically, brought darkness to my life, 3 long months of feeling lonely, depressed, anxious and insecure despite the warm sun and the thousands of happy holiday-goers and people around me. The irony continues, as despite appearing to have what looked like a happy life, in reality I felt trapped within my own facade and fairy tale I had created in my slightly disorientated head.
Maybe it's because I feel most comfortable in my layers and knits, with dark vampy lipstick and drinking endless cups of tea whilst eating halloween shaped chocolates. I don't know. But all I know is I feel literally and figuratively comfortable with the person I have become, Autumn.
Somehow, Autumn, and the start of a new school term, has brought with it a refreshing breath of cold fresh air into my life. Almost as though my perspective has changed entirely. I know it's a strong declaration to make, but I do almost feel like a different person, Autumn.
It's as though I've fitted my mind with a new filter, a new filter that knows how to channel the good and the bad thoughts respectively.
Autumn knows her own worth, and how to live in order to ensure it is always reinstated.
Autumn knows that sometimes, when it gets really cold, you have to be selfish and turn up the heating despite the cost.
Autumn knows to look out for herself, to follow her dreams and stop letting her permanent decisions be dictated by temporary people.
Autumn knows not to let anyone point out her flaws, they are what make her individual - what would Autumn be without decay?
Autumn knows those who love her are those who matter - for they are the ones who take plight in the little things - the toffee apples and the sunsets that are just a little bit more golden and slightly earlier in the day that usual sunsets. Sunsets that make the clouds turn slightly pink and purple as they go. Sunsets which create kaleidoscopic rays on your window sill.
But most importantly, Autumn knows that things are changing. And new much better things are coming, in which Autumn will flourish and bloom into Spring flowers, no matter the chills of Winter she may have to endure first.
For if someone can't love you in your Autumn and help you through your Winters, they don't deserve you in your Spring and Summer.
Thank you Autumn, for teaching me when times are tough that a cup of tea makes for a good warm cuddle of the insides, and everything seems better when you're wearing red lipstick.
Jess ♥
